Reading or hearing someone talk about self-control or self-discipline, we are sure to hear talk of all sorts of skills that need to be acquired and techniques that should be followed.
Hearing others talk about self-control or self-discipline makes many people think of;
Being rigid;
A punishment;
Torture;
Deprivation;
Self abuse;
Being severe or extreme with ourselves.
But that's not what it is.
That's not it at all.
Self discipline is also not something that you just have or don't have, as some like to believe.
It's not a chore,
It's not a limited resource,
And it's not wishful thinking.
No human being on the planet is just born with self-discipline automatically instilled in them.
It's learned.
It's cultivated.
It's a mindset.
It's a belief.
What's more, it's a belief that creates self-fulfilling prophecies (Think: whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right).
So many people try to create self-discipline by sheer willpower. This might help get them to the gym for a couple of weeks or a couple of months. It might get them to stop eating the entire bag of potato chips in one sitting a time or two.
But this reasoning makes self-discipline harder than it needs to be - it also makes it something that it's not.
This type of reasoning can easily turn self-discipline into a form of self-abuse.
We talk about how other people lie to us and then we can't trust them. But we never think about, or consider, the times that we lied to ourselves.
And if you don't think that you lie to yourself, well...you're lying to yourself.
There's also the promises that we made to ourselves but never kept.
Think of all of the times we told ourselves "no" but we did it anyway.
When you tell someone a lie enough times, you begin to believe it.
Lying to yourself is no different.
If you tell yourself a lie enough times, you're eventually going to believe it.
What's worse is how many people lie to themselves and aren't even aware that they're doing it.
You see everything you do, and you hear everything you say.
So what you say to yourself and about yourself matters!
When you tell yourself "no" but don't follow through, and you do it anyway - it may seem harmless, inconsequential, like it's not a big deal. But this is one example of how we are lying to ourselves.
It's no different than when you continually tell someone else "no", but never enforce it and let them do what they want anyway. Eventually they are going to realize that by not enforcing what you say then you don't really mean it.
All of those commitments and resolutions that we made to ourselves but never kept - we broke our own trust in ourselves.
There's a part of you that remembers all of those times that you lied to yourself and didn't keep your own promises.
And now?
Now you don't trust yourself.
I mean, really, how far do you expect to get when you don't honestly believe what you tell yourself about yourself?
If you feel that you are lacking self-discipline, it's fairly safe to say that you've either been lying to yourself, making excuses for why you do what you do, or telling yourself all the wrong things.
Oh, it's easy to spout those catchy phrases; the ones that live on motivational posters, on pages of a book, on plaques and coffee cups and throw pillows.
Anybody can repeat a catchy hook to sound cool, to sound important, or to sound like they know what they're talking about.
But how often do we take any of them seriously?
Self-discipline starts with what you say to yourself. But it's all pointless if you don't believe yourself, and that begins by keeping your promises to yourself.
You can't be self-disciplined when you doubt yourself or when phrases like "I could never do that" and "I can't", or words like "impossible" and "never" litter your conversations and thoughts.
It's not working because even though you're trying to be who you want to be or who you think you should be, it's not who you believe you are.
Why do we berate ourselves for doing things we know we shouldn't do, or for not doing things we know we should do, but we never ask ourselves why we do it?
We might actually start getting somewhere if we asked why.
Why don't you trust yourself?
Why don't you believe yourself?
So, if self-discipline is not all of those drastic conditions mentioned at the beginning of this article, what is it?
Simply put, self-discipline is being a disciple of your own words and beliefs.
When we are disciplined we consider the consequences and the meaning of our own words and actions.
We consider what we say to ourselves about ourselves.
When we tell ourselves we are going to do something we know that we mean it.
When we are disciplined we have built a trust in ourselves and we believe ourselves.
Of course, this is not a be-all end-all solution. Nothing is that simple and there are many layers to self-discipline. But anything that is built to last is built with a solid foundation. The foundation that makes our Self is established by what we say to ourselves and what we believe.
What we say to ourselves and believe, has the greatest influence on what we do.
But none of it matters if you don't believe what you tell yourself.
You don't have to believe me, but why don't you believe yourself?
Photo Coffee And A Map